This week Ariana Grande went and pulled an absolute power pose addressing her turbulent love life in a tune that I have been hearing everywhere. I’m unsure if I’ve ever seen a song reposted by women this far and wide. We love this song. And I’m so pleased.
The things (and people) we have done in the past led us to our present selves, and I think present you is pretty great. A bit of a badass who can pull their shit together and keep moving forward no matter what life throws at you, with a heart that’s been broken but continues to beat. It has been proven time and again that people who approach situations from a place of gratitude lead significantly happier lives, and when it comes to our past relationships I think it’s about time we started looking at what we have gained rather than what was lost.
I am on good terms with most people I’ve been attached to and I think they’re pretty excellent humans. Does that mean all of my relationships have gone smoothly and ended amicably? Absolutely not. But I realise these people exist in a realm outside of our time together. They have family and friends that love them and are doing some great things in the world. The person that they were in our relationship does not make up their entire being. Feelings (and alcohol) can make you do some really weird things. I once gave an ex a lap dance at a crowded restaurant in the middle of a degustation dinner and woke up wearing his underwear. He still speaks to me. It’s nice. While it’s not always possible to maintain healthy contact with someone you’ve previously tried to dry hump in public, it’s nice to be able to to think of them fondly, or at the very least rid yourself of any bitterness you are harbouring towards them. Bitter isn’t your best look.
I have been in relationships that caused me to be a million miles away from my best self, not trusting someone I shared a bed and my life with. There were hacked phones and spying on each other, like a very unsexy and emotionally exhausting version of Mr and Mrs Smith. But I can look back on that period of my life and appreciate how far I’ve come. More often than not the resentful feelings that lead to us bad mouthing our previous partners stem from feelings of embarrassment over the parts of ourselves that were brought out in the coupling, and actually have very little to do with the other person. Different versions of ourselves exist within each of our relationships and perhaps that alternate you wasn’t your favourite, and that’s ok. Do I want to be female Sherlock Holmes finding things I don’t like and crying on the bathroom floor ever again? No. Can I recognise how much she learned? You bet your sweet bippy I did.
Wounded animals lash out and sometimes people really and truly do some terrible things. But that doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge the good things that came from each of our romantic relationships, even if it only comes down to strength and personal growth. I think it’s best not to say bad things about people whose genitals have been in or around your mouth. It’s really classy. And while you can take anything that someone who fits in a quick erotic dance between courses says about class with a grain of salt, there’s really something to be said for simply acknowledging the things you’ve learned and moving on. Thank you. Next.